Meeting Ronnie Barker at the BBC stars party. It was nice to be invited to such a party anyway but especially so when I saw that Ronnie Barker was there. He had long been my comedy hero and having just done the Royal Variety show with Ronnie Corbett, I asked Ronnie Corbett if he would mind introducing me. Having admired him for so long and having marvelled how he could reduce my dad to tears I was quite nervous being introduced to him – worried about what I should say to him - that I admired him so and loved his work but then who doesn’t, and hadn’t he tired of hearing this over and over again. As it turned out, I wouldn't say anything at all. As Ronnie Corbett brought me over, Ronnie Barker looked up and said very warmly, 'Oh hello Dominic.' I was stunned and flattered that he even knew who I was - so you will understand how I felt when he went on to say - 'I am a big fan of your stand up young man.'
Surely it should have been the other way around –
Dominic on stage at the Dominion Theatre, The Royal Variety Show
Getting Published
I was heading on a train to Manchester to do a weekend at The Comedy Store. About a week previous to this I had pitched an idea for a novel called Only in America to Hodder and Stoughton. The meeting had gone well, even though I had set the meeting up to pitch another book idea at them. I felt sure that they had liked the idea for the novel, but I daren't start to believe that they might actually want it.
Mobile rings and it's my then agent saying that they want to buy the novel. Being published turns out to the best thing and the worst thing I've ever done in my career. Some highs and lots of lows – but from talking to other authors that I've met, I think this is the same for most.
My novels go down well, they are well reviewed and I am currently about to finish writing my third novel called Metallic Paint.
First Hour Set
Doing a mini tour of Scotland supporting Norman Lovett with the brillaint Phil Kay compering. We get to Glasgow and Norman isn’t feeling great and asks if I wouldn’t mind going second. Great venue, The Old Athaneum, late Saturday night, Phil gets audience whipped up and I do 57 mins. To anyone at that gig, a big thank you.
First ever one man show
Hen and Chickens, Islington, May 1993
It's my first pre-show for Edinburgh and I spend all day going through links and trying to convince myself that everything will be fine. Fortunately, it's a great success - the audience (all my friends basically) love me - not a natural show off, just doing stand up was hard enough for me, so doing a one man show is a wonderful achievement and this first show was probably the most important one that I have ever done.
The Small World Of Dominic Holland
It took almost five years to secure this series from the BBC, so two memorable nights. The first recording at the Jermyn Street Theatre and then the first night it was broadcast at 6.30pm on R4. The most exciting part is when the very official sounding voice over lady after the news announces the show.
Royalty Cheques
This is the great advantage of being in show business. Being paid infinitum for works done years ago. Getting big fat unexpected cheques in the mail. Ben Elton must run down the stairs each morning.
BUT I don’t get any. I have only ever had a few and they never amount to much. My favourite one was a cheque for 98p for the broadcast of The Small World in Belgium. Regret cashing it now.
My first appearance on Have I Got News For You -
I was the audience warm up man for six series and unbeknownst to me, the late substitute should a guest ever get cold feet. This happened one Thursday when Paul McCartney no less pulled out and the producers began hunting for a suitable replacement. Obviously it would be someone less famous. Anyway, it turned out that they asked practically everyone conceivable before I came in to the reckoning. And it pains me to admit that this included the awful Edwina Currie. So at about 5.30pm, all was lost and Dominic Holland was called off the subs bench. I hadn’t kept an eye on the news that week, my agent at the time was telling me not to do it, so I said, yes.
Very nervous, but made sure I did a good warm up to make the audience as partisan as possible and thankfully had a great show. Ian Hislop was very kind during the recording, he kept writing little notes to me during the recording telling me that I was doing well.
Turned out to be a good move doing the show because it is still what people most recognise me from to this day.
The Faldovian Club
Coming back from a gig in Stockton on Tees, sitting on a freezing train having not been paid for the show because the promoter had done a runner - thoroughly fed up, I decide to write a film - which I call The Faldovian Club. It's a comic caper which I have great fun writing. The first draft is 247 pages long (anything more than a 100 pages won't even be read). But I get an agent from ICM to read it - he loves the story - I edit it and re-write it twenty odd times and eventually after a few near misses, a producer at Pagoda films options it. The afternoon I get the news I am doing a warm up for Clive James at the London Studios. I am so excited that I burst in to the studio and immediately tell everyone that I am having a movie made (a big mistake, almost as big a mistake as writing a film script 247 pages long). Clive congratulates me and explains that he has made a living from having things optioned but not actually made. I ignore this - my film is getting made I tell him - he smiles at me wryly. Now 10 years later, I understand why.
BBC Films
When the BBC optioned my first novel Only in America, I was thrilled but I didn't run about the place shouting that I was having a film made - I was wiser by now - so I walked about and told people (big mistake). Mark Burton, a great comedy writer (Chicken Run amongst other things) told me that I absolutely wouldn't be involved in writing the film script. He said that no matter what they tell me, he explains that the BBC would sack me off the project before the film is ever made, which “it probably wont be” he adds. I ignore this and he smiled wryly… I complete the first draft of my film, plus a set of revisions and…
PFA dinner
The Professional Footballers Association annual awards dinner is a notoriously tough gig with lots of high profile comedians having tried and died over the years. News of a comic dying especially a famous one travels like MRSA through a dirty hospital. To make things worse, the gig is being held at The Grosvenor House Hotel, in The Great Room. Bob Monkhouse talks about this great room in his autobiography, which has seen so many comics die that they really should erect a memorial to them all. This is a line from my short story Hobb’s Journey (buy book from Amazon) which was inspired by the venue.
So tough room, and intimidating audience. 800 football players, 400 hangers on and one stand up comedian crapping himself.
It’s a gig I wouldn’t normally have taken on but The Ripple Effect was about to be published and so I felt that I had to say yes.
It was the year of the Newcastle United roasting incident which had happened in the very same hotel. So my opening line
“…so here we are lads – 800 football players at the Grosvenor House Hotel. Are you all staying the night, cos you’ll need what, four or five rooms between you…”
Pause for laughter –and thankfully it came. I spent 20 minutes taking the piss out of my heroes and bless them, they loved it
Graham Taylor
The Ripple Effect was a novel that I worked very hard and spent all my spare cash on trying to promote - it was made the Sunday Times Book of the Week in their sports pages and I had high hopes after this. Part of my efforts to help promote the book was to get it reviewed in football club programmes and to visit any football clubs that asked me to make a PA and I gave all proceeds from the book sales to the clubs. One such club was Lincoln City who wanted me to attend an evening in their club bar with Graham Talyor, their ex manager, but better known as the ex England manager. I would talk about the book, sign copies, hand over the proceeds and then hand over to Graham Taylor because it was him that everyone had come to see.
I felt apprehensive ahead of the show but relaxed when Graham turned up with his own copy of the Ripple Effect which he wanted me to sign. He then told the crowd that he had loved the novel and that they should all buy one. Which they did. What a good bloke.